Why vulnerability is necessary for learning
Learning French has always been a personal goal of mine. My grandparents are French Canadian on both sides, and while both my parents know the language, they never spoke it at home. For the past three years, I dabbled first with Duolingo, and then Babbel, trying to teach myself the fundamentals of the language. However, my “on-and-off-again” approach to app learning was ineffective, and I plateaued.
I still had an interest in learning French and now I finally had the time and mental energy to do it. And so, I took a placement test and enrolled in a 10-week class through Washington Academy of Languages.
Embracing failure
Imposter syndrome comes in many forms, but I had not experienced it quite like taking “Français 3” class. Surrounded by 3 other students who had all studied together in previous semesters, I was immediately intimidated as they casually spoke French among each other. I thought that I had made a huge mistake. The first 10 minutes of the first class were the longest of my life. We each introduced ourselves in French and I stumbled through my words, withering in embarrassment, “Je m’appelle Allison. Je suis vingt-neuf ans. Je suis…uhh how do you say Product Manager?”
The next student began her introduction, and I was internally a mess. A jumble of words — English, French, and German (a language I learned for 5 years) — were all swimming through my head. I felt ashamed for forgetting all the words that I knew. I was worried about what the other students thought about me. I was angry with myself for having all of these feelings, rather than paying attention. So, I took a deep breath to calm my mind, “you knew this would be uncomfortable — that’s the point!”
Learning requires discomfort. It’s a skill we quickly forget after we leave school. Embracing discomfort is even harder as we gain experience and “ego”, wanting to present ourselves as competent, knowledgeable, and in control. However, this projection of self often runs counter to personal growth. As we become afraid to fail, look stupid, or simply “not know”, we miss the opportunity to learn and we feed the internal imposter monster.
The class continued on and I allowed myself to relax. I spoke more freely and attempted to answer questions (albeit often incorrectly). The disgust and contempt from my classmates never came, and instead started noticing appreciation for my attempts and questions. Everyone in the class was here for the same reason — to learn — and by building this as a space safe where it’s okay to be wrong, we could all better achieve our goals.
Vulnerability in the workplace
There are many parallels between my experience in French class and the working world. Even more so at a job, allowing yourself to be vulnerable and admit “I don’t know” feels like a weakness that leaves you open to exploitation. As a PM, this is then furthered by the all-too-common feeling of needing to have all the answers.
These attitudes are wrong. The role of a PM is not to know every answer, but to know how to find the answers. Many times, this means dropping your ego, exposing your weaknesses, and asking for help. Your true power of a PM is your ability to accept yourself, acknowledge your situation, and create opportunities for growth, and doing so without fearing others’ perceptions.
The growth created by this approach is not limited to just yourself — it’s infectious. By allowing yourself to not know (but to know how to follow up), you are creating a culture where being vulnerable is safe and appreciated. By admitting when we “don’t know” as a team, we can more quickly identify our gaps and solve our problems. We can move beyond our egos to truly innovate and achieve our goals. And, we can do so in a supporting environment that is enjoyable to work in.
C’est bon — Je ne sais pas!
After 10 weeks of allowing myself vulnerability in French class and to say “I don’t know”, I not only drastically improved my French, but more so, re-discovered the joy of learning and being uncomfortable. It helped me tear down the barriers I unknowingly created through the years. It brought new meaning to my favorite mantra: if you’re not uncomfortable, you aren’t growing.
When we’re young, we trying and learning new things constantly. “Failure” is not part of our vocabulary. Not knowing is not a thing to be ashamed of. I challenge myself to apply this mindset to my everyday life: I might not always know the answer or how to do the task, but I will try, and learn, every step of the way!